2-7-09 surrendering brain
Yesterday's blog reminded me of one of my favorite songs back in those chaotic days.
"Sweet Surrender" by John Denver.......
I still love the words ......... But check out the "youtube" link below, turn on your speakers.
Lost and alone on some forgotten highway
Travelled by many remembered by few
Lookin for something that I can believe in
Lookin for something that Id like to do with my life
Theres nothin behind me and nothin that ties me
To somethin that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more
Than enough to just be there today
And I dont know what the future is holdin in store
I dont know where Im goin, Im not sure where Ive been
Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the livin, I dont need to see the end
Sweet, sweet surrender
Live, live without care
Like a fish in the water
Like a bird in the air
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIZ4netTytI
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
False reality
2-6-09 wild & carefree brain
Tuesday 2-3-09, my "stable brain" was doing the talking..... today my "wild & carefree brain" wants equal blogging time. (see I really am split in two quite often!)
This business about having a predicable and stable life..... that really is nonsense...... that is a false reality. Sure I had a safe, secure, and loving childhood for 18 years...... And I have been blessed with that same situation in my 16 years of marriage...... But there was a time in between when my life was not what you would call normal or stable.
I was living out side the box a little bit anyway. I was not following the usual stereotypical path one would expect. I wasn't a wife or mother like many of my friends. I was still in college finding myself until I was age 26. I had no idea what direction my life would be taking most days. I was kind of a loner, a tormented "artist" in many ways, taking calculus, organic chemistry, and biology classes. I knew each situation was just a temporary experience and I was OK with that for the most part. These were fun and interesting times and I have stared to reflect back on them this week. This above picture is from 1982 (age 26) taken by a photographer roaming the U of I campus looking for prospects for Playboy magazine....... Well, that's what he told me.........I don't know if he was for real and NO, I didn't follow up with him, but he sent this photo to me. (Stupidly I did give him my name, address & phone number!) ..... he could of been a serial killer!
Tuesday 2-3-09, my "stable brain" was doing the talking..... today my "wild & carefree brain" wants equal blogging time. (see I really am split in two quite often!)
This business about having a predicable and stable life..... that really is nonsense...... that is a false reality. Sure I had a safe, secure, and loving childhood for 18 years...... And I have been blessed with that same situation in my 16 years of marriage...... But there was a time in between when my life was not what you would call normal or stable.
I was living out side the box a little bit anyway. I was not following the usual stereotypical path one would expect. I wasn't a wife or mother like many of my friends. I was still in college finding myself until I was age 26. I had no idea what direction my life would be taking most days. I was kind of a loner, a tormented "artist" in many ways, taking calculus, organic chemistry, and biology classes. I knew each situation was just a temporary experience and I was OK with that for the most part. These were fun and interesting times and I have stared to reflect back on them this week. This above picture is from 1982 (age 26) taken by a photographer roaming the U of I campus looking for prospects for Playboy magazine....... Well, that's what he told me.........I don't know if he was for real and NO, I didn't follow up with him, but he sent this photo to me. (Stupidly I did give him my name, address & phone number!) ..... he could of been a serial killer!
At times, these years felt a bit chaotic and unstable, but that also made me feel really alive, taking some pleasure in living on the edge......... life was not predictable and life was "out of my control" and this is actually when my faith started to grow. By 1990 when I was feeling worn out and broken in many ways, this is when I turned control of my life over to God. Chaos can be useful as an important step to bring you to your knees....... humbling yourself....... leading you to ask for help and forcing you to surrender.
Sweet Surrender!..................... (continued tomorrow)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Old Friends
2-5-09 surprised brain
Yesterday I talked about new friends in KC, today I need to write about old friends in KC.
The coolest thing happened to Greg and I this past weekend night.
We decide to walk down to the Plaza to get something to eat. Greg suggested we try a place we have never been before. I decided to be open to having a new experience, rather than going back to a favorite & familiar place. After having a nice exercise walk around the Plaza, we decided on the Irish Pub, since we weren't very dressed up.
We liked the feel of the Irish Pub as we sat down, commenting on how it did remind us of a pub we were in during our 2005 Drake trip to Dublin. As I was sitting there eating some pretty good shepherd's pie, I looked over at the bar and commented to Greg that this gal drinking a beer looked familiar to me. After a minute of thinking I said, "that could be Lisa who was in the softball team I played on in the 1980's"..... "I know she and her husband had moved to KC some time ago"........ Well after I was done eating, I decide- what the heck, I'm doing to talk to them, the worst thing to happen will be to just embarrass myself. So I walked over and asked them if they were Lisa and Doug from Iowa! AND IT WAS! (I found this picture of Lisa and a few of the guys on our team!)
I get so excited when the universe sends me surprises like that! Strange how all the planets needed to line up to make that happen. Lisa and Doug were down at the Plaza celebrating their 21 Anniversary! The Irish Pub wasn't one of their usual hangouts, they were just having a drink before their dinner over at the Plaza III.
Wow, just think about that.... all the timing that went into making that meeting between us happen! And the fact that I could see Lisa across the room because of my new improved vision! Kimby my former pastor always calls something like this a "God-incidence".... instead of a "coincidence"...... I couldn't agree more!
Yesterday I talked about new friends in KC, today I need to write about old friends in KC.
The coolest thing happened to Greg and I this past weekend night.
We decide to walk down to the Plaza to get something to eat. Greg suggested we try a place we have never been before. I decided to be open to having a new experience, rather than going back to a favorite & familiar place. After having a nice exercise walk around the Plaza, we decided on the Irish Pub, since we weren't very dressed up.
We liked the feel of the Irish Pub as we sat down, commenting on how it did remind us of a pub we were in during our 2005 Drake trip to Dublin. As I was sitting there eating some pretty good shepherd's pie, I looked over at the bar and commented to Greg that this gal drinking a beer looked familiar to me. After a minute of thinking I said, "that could be Lisa who was in the softball team I played on in the 1980's"..... "I know she and her husband had moved to KC some time ago"........ Well after I was done eating, I decide- what the heck, I'm doing to talk to them, the worst thing to happen will be to just embarrass myself. So I walked over and asked them if they were Lisa and Doug from Iowa! AND IT WAS! (I found this picture of Lisa and a few of the guys on our team!)
I get so excited when the universe sends me surprises like that! Strange how all the planets needed to line up to make that happen. Lisa and Doug were down at the Plaza celebrating their 21 Anniversary! The Irish Pub wasn't one of their usual hangouts, they were just having a drink before their dinner over at the Plaza III.
Wow, just think about that.... all the timing that went into making that meeting between us happen! And the fact that I could see Lisa across the room because of my new improved vision! Kimby my former pastor always calls something like this a "God-incidence".... instead of a "coincidence"...... I couldn't agree more!
PS: HOUSE UPDATE: 180 degree change, now considering cute smaller house in Prairie Village close to Prairie Village Shops which would be same price range as Greg's Plaza apartment, thus we could keep the Des Moines house and own 2nd smaller home in KC. (Greg's idea......stay tuned!)
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
New Friends
2-4-09 stretching my brain
Speaking of making NEW Friends (from 2-3-09)......
I have a new friend in Kansas City whom I met last fall during one of my week long stays. Greg and I were walking in the Brookside neighborhood to see if we liked the feel. This neighborhood reminds us of our wonderful Des Moines neighborhood of Beaverdale since it has a high walk-ability score. There are many restaurants, shops and grocery store in both of these neighborhoods and this is important to me. (A small town feel within the big city)
Greg and I walked by a house and there was a women and man sitting out on their front porch with their cat in the front yard. They waved hello and being the cat lovers we are, we had to stop and say "hi kitty"..... The women came out to greet us and we started a conversation with Julie and Paul!.
Long story short- Julie was an Iowa gal too! They had moved into this neighborhood a few years ago and were very happy with the area. I liked Julie right away because I sensed she was "a character"..... you know a real "down to earth gal" who seems comfortable in her own skin..... She was so nice and welcoming I felt like I actually could see myself living there. I call Julie my Kansas City angel since it was her kindness which broke my stereotype of "big city" people.
Now, I need also to mention that I already have 3 other friends who live in Kansas City....... Molly, one of my best friends I first met in Des Moines in 1984 (she is an Iowa gal too!); My college friends Teresa and Jim (also from Iowa originally)...... and Kimby, my wonderful former pastor from Westminster Church in Des Moines, who has been in KC for about 6 years now and is very happy there.
Boy! I'm so blessed to have friends in both places where I will call home: Des Moines and Kansas City! Not to mention my "first Hometown" of Charles City and my work town of Iowa City!
PS: Thanks to this blogging business, I also have met a "new blog friend" ....... A shout out to Ruth in Michigan! I enjoy reading her blog and looking at her beautiful winter pictures. I have mentioned this before, but I'll say it again, check out "my blog list" on right side panel : Ruth's blog is called synch-ro-ni-zing
HOUSE UPDATE: While awaiting a counter offer, we have been distracted by another possible house! I guess it's nice to have choices!
Speaking of making NEW Friends (from 2-3-09)......
I have a new friend in Kansas City whom I met last fall during one of my week long stays. Greg and I were walking in the Brookside neighborhood to see if we liked the feel. This neighborhood reminds us of our wonderful Des Moines neighborhood of Beaverdale since it has a high walk-ability score. There are many restaurants, shops and grocery store in both of these neighborhoods and this is important to me. (A small town feel within the big city)
Greg and I walked by a house and there was a women and man sitting out on their front porch with their cat in the front yard. They waved hello and being the cat lovers we are, we had to stop and say "hi kitty"..... The women came out to greet us and we started a conversation with Julie and Paul!.
Long story short- Julie was an Iowa gal too! They had moved into this neighborhood a few years ago and were very happy with the area. I liked Julie right away because I sensed she was "a character"..... you know a real "down to earth gal" who seems comfortable in her own skin..... She was so nice and welcoming I felt like I actually could see myself living there. I call Julie my Kansas City angel since it was her kindness which broke my stereotype of "big city" people.
Now, I need also to mention that I already have 3 other friends who live in Kansas City....... Molly, one of my best friends I first met in Des Moines in 1984 (she is an Iowa gal too!); My college friends Teresa and Jim (also from Iowa originally)...... and Kimby, my wonderful former pastor from Westminster Church in Des Moines, who has been in KC for about 6 years now and is very happy there.
Boy! I'm so blessed to have friends in both places where I will call home: Des Moines and Kansas City! Not to mention my "first Hometown" of Charles City and my work town of Iowa City!
PS: Thanks to this blogging business, I also have met a "new blog friend" ....... A shout out to Ruth in Michigan! I enjoy reading her blog and looking at her beautiful winter pictures. I have mentioned this before, but I'll say it again, check out "my blog list" on right side panel : Ruth's blog is called synch-ro-ni-zing
HOUSE UPDATE: While awaiting a counter offer, we have been distracted by another possible house! I guess it's nice to have choices!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Silver and Gold
Addendum 9:30 AM:
One of those wonderful people I refer to below as "knowing me all my life"..... has emailed me a correction. I actually lived in our first house for 14 years! Thanks Alice- (my 2nd mother/neighbor who lived across the street from us during my "wonder years")
2-3-09 stable brain?
I was pondering the possible reasons why I tend to resist change. With one glance at the mess in my basement, it becomes quite obvious that letting go is difficult for me. And it’s not just letting go of stuff, but people and relationships too. For example, I still exchange Christmas cards with my high school boyfriend’s parents..... That’s 30+ years ago that we shared some special times together. Is that so bad?
I have been turning this question over and over in my brain, what I have come up with so far is that the reason I am not good with embracing change is that I just haven't had enough PRACTICE. I had a very stable childhood….. is it possible to have too much stability? (My Dad’s going to get a kick out of that thought….. he already thinks I am wacky)…. But I think I’m on to something here.
I grew up in the same house for the first 12 years of my life. Then we moved up the street one block and this is where my parents still live. I have many people who can say that “they have known me all my life”. I still have friends from kindergarten.. My parents stay in touch in friends and neighbors they have known for 50 to 60+ years. Mom and Dad will celebrate their 60th Anniversary later this year. My Mom still owns the farmstead which belonged to her Grandfather, the place she was born and grew up. Greg and I now have been in our house for almost 16 years, ever since we were married. My life was and is predictable and sweet...... so what can I say..... I have never really had to practice change.
Personally, I like the whole concept of continuity. I like a life with deep roots and deep friendships. I remember learning this little song as a child…….
Make new friends but keep the old ones; one is silver and the other gold.
So I guess I need to start….. start to practice change......I hope you noticed the new February look of my blog today. Baby steps! Who knows maybe I’ll get really BOLD and change the look every month!
House update: offers and counter offers continue!
One of those wonderful people I refer to below as "knowing me all my life"..... has emailed me a correction. I actually lived in our first house for 14 years! Thanks Alice- (my 2nd mother/neighbor who lived across the street from us during my "wonder years")
2-3-09 stable brain?
I was pondering the possible reasons why I tend to resist change. With one glance at the mess in my basement, it becomes quite obvious that letting go is difficult for me. And it’s not just letting go of stuff, but people and relationships too. For example, I still exchange Christmas cards with my high school boyfriend’s parents..... That’s 30+ years ago that we shared some special times together. Is that so bad?
I have been turning this question over and over in my brain, what I have come up with so far is that the reason I am not good with embracing change is that I just haven't had enough PRACTICE. I had a very stable childhood….. is it possible to have too much stability? (My Dad’s going to get a kick out of that thought….. he already thinks I am wacky)…. But I think I’m on to something here.
I grew up in the same house for the first 12 years of my life. Then we moved up the street one block and this is where my parents still live. I have many people who can say that “they have known me all my life”. I still have friends from kindergarten.. My parents stay in touch in friends and neighbors they have known for 50 to 60+ years. Mom and Dad will celebrate their 60th Anniversary later this year. My Mom still owns the farmstead which belonged to her Grandfather, the place she was born and grew up. Greg and I now have been in our house for almost 16 years, ever since we were married. My life was and is predictable and sweet...... so what can I say..... I have never really had to practice change.
Personally, I like the whole concept of continuity. I like a life with deep roots and deep friendships. I remember learning this little song as a child…….
Make new friends but keep the old ones; one is silver and the other gold.
So I guess I need to start….. start to practice change......I hope you noticed the new February look of my blog today. Baby steps! Who knows maybe I’ll get really BOLD and change the look every month!
House update: offers and counter offers continue!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Shooting the rapids
2-2-09 water-logged brain
Saturday it was warm and sunny in Kansas City, record high 72 degrees! The meandering stream looked tranquil and inviting. I took my shoes off and rolled my pant legs up to my knees. I timidly tested the temperature of the water with my big right toe…… OK, not too bad. Soon I was wading out ankle deep, feeling the soft sand between my toes. This was very pleasant. The sun light was creating diamonds sparkling off the water’s surface. Surely I could stay here all afternoon, just enjoying the scenery put before me.
However, evening came and it turned dark quickly. All at once from behind I was caught off guard and knocked off my feet. A giant tsunami type wave was moving me down stream fast, and I was too much in shock to even cry out as I was flailing about in a panic. I was being swept away, carried off to Lord knows where..... into a sleepless night.
What would you do? Does a person attempt to swim upstream, or shout for help praying for a quick rescue? I suppose the Zen Masters would advise lying back in a non-resistant position and accept and even enjoy the journey. After all I’ve heard that “hope floats”. What I chose to do was to grasp onto this blogging life jacket and continue down this innocent stream turned raging river….. destination unknown.
Sunday afternoon, sadly, we didn’t make Molly super bowl party. Instead we put an offer down on a house in Kansas City, after Greg fairly quickly rescued me from drowning, by pulling me into his small but trusty life boat. Together we decided to continuing shooting the rapids……. Choosing to accept and maybe even enjoying this journey together….. our destination is still uncertain.
However, evening came and it turned dark quickly. All at once from behind I was caught off guard and knocked off my feet. A giant tsunami type wave was moving me down stream fast, and I was too much in shock to even cry out as I was flailing about in a panic. I was being swept away, carried off to Lord knows where..... into a sleepless night.
What would you do? Does a person attempt to swim upstream, or shout for help praying for a quick rescue? I suppose the Zen Masters would advise lying back in a non-resistant position and accept and even enjoy the journey. After all I’ve heard that “hope floats”. What I chose to do was to grasp onto this blogging life jacket and continue down this innocent stream turned raging river….. destination unknown.
Sunday afternoon, sadly, we didn’t make Molly super bowl party. Instead we put an offer down on a house in Kansas City, after Greg fairly quickly rescued me from drowning, by pulling me into his small but trusty life boat. Together we decided to continuing shooting the rapids……. Choosing to accept and maybe even enjoying this journey together….. our destination is still uncertain.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Super Bowl Sunday
2-1-09 party brain
I'm not much into watching football, unlike my father, my husband and my sister..... but I will be watching today since that cute Iowa boy, Kurt Warner, will be playing. Greg and I will be attending Molly & Jeff's super bowl party here in KC. If I get bored I can always play with their cats!
Kurt Warner has actually spent time on my street, Allison Avenue in Des Moines. Mike and Mary Pat (our former neighbors down the street) are good friends of his from college, so I'm only one degree away from knowing Kurt Warner!
PS: AND I'm only one degree from knowing Kevin Bacon! That's another story.
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